Did I ever mention how I feel about...

roller coasters? Love 'em, hate 'em, I just Have to be in the Front. Since starting to teach two months ago (it's only been two months?) I have not stepped off my own personal coaster. I think I've figured it out and then...BAM...I'm back to feeling as though I'm on information overload and none of it is coming out for the benefit of my kids. Adjusting to "office politics" is also rather unpleasant. I am a strong believer, and supporter, of my administration - They are dedicated, intelligent, creative people - and to put it bluntly, really nice to boot - and I continuously hear griping and bemoaning about almost every single step they take - it's ridiculous. Now to know me is to understand that I am an extremely opinionated individual, and for the most part, twenty years of practicing law did very little to curb my enthusiasm for putting it out there and getting to the core of the issue. Well some of these teachers top any attitude adjustment that I ever needed - and they're half my age. I realize that I knew everything until I was thirty, and apparently these individuals harbor the same belief. They Are Awesome at identifying problems, they pick Every Single Battle, but when it comes to discussing/proffering solutions they're gone - doing whatever it is they're doing that has them so p'd-off at our administration for "putting too much stress on them" and suffering from "what more do they expect me to do?" I actually had a conversation yesterday wherein I was told "this is the process, it's our job to assist with your lesson planning" to "you should have felt restricted by [our administrator] coming into class" and offering assistance (directly and indirectly - it was wonderful by the way.) IRONY - I relish the support and suggestions - it is what a new teacher needs and benefits from - but when one asks these certain individuals for guidance they look at you as though you should be sweeping sidewalks. I've decided - this is their issue, not mine. They need a dose of confidence and positivity. I will not be brought down - I am a professional - notwithstanding a preaching one at the moment, but I'm getting over it - we've got a soccer game at 2 !!! Go Life - Go Rachel - Go Sox !!!!!!!!!

My confidence is blossoming...

You couldn't have paid me to believe this just four short weeks ago. I am slowly allowing myself to BE myself - trying to teach Just Like Somebody Else didn't work when that somebody else wasn't inside my head. Every now and again one particular teacher will come into my room to do something - I'm not really sure if it's observing, or helping, or "other," and my chi gets thrown all out of whack. NO, my students' chi-s get thrown all out of whack. This particular individual is super good at what she does, but her style is the polar opposite of mine and it shuts down my class because it's coming out of left field in MY classroom. I'm rolling with this, however, because a lot of what I've learned from my conversations with her has been so beneficial in helping me get to this point. I will not risk losing this resource so I will embrace it... and speaking of - To my friend who advised that I "embrace the authority that goes along with my position," THANK YOU. Man are those words now making sense. I can do this - and to prove it, I'm about to go and write this week's kick-butt Writing Workshop Lesson Plan - gotta love descriptive writing !!

Three Days in the Berkshires...

with 54 seventh graders, hiking, climbing, dancing, sharing sleeping quarters, earns major credibility points. This past week I was no longer the new English teacher, but the cool English teacher. Once I hit 'em up with actual curriculum this coming week I anticipate the loss of this status. It was nice while it lasted :) Now... if I can only figure out what happened to my iPhoto automatically opening when I select browse in order to upload some corresponding photos, I'll be back in business.

"In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted." (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 1872-1970)

What a month...

I am no longer a brand new high school english teacher - yep, I've done it, I've taken the plunge - into middle school. Out of nowhere, on the day we returned from an awesome week in the Vermont mountains, I had an email waiting - formally offering me a position as the new 7th grade ELA teacher at a K-8 school in my county. Without hesitating, for fear I would get into something I wasn't sure I was ready for, I respectfully declined letting the superintendent know that I'd already entered into a contract with another school, made some headway and owed the current school the fairness of hanging in there - notwithstanding that middle school (8th grade actually) was always my first choice. She didn't go away. We entered into a week long dialogue and, amazingly, all of my requests were met. The first week of August I went through a week of new teacher training and met a dozen others all entering the school as new teachers, teacher aides or other staff. Next was a solid week of all-faculty-professional development - here I met all of the teachers that I would be working with on a daily basis in the J.A. as well as the other houses. I was ready to rock. School started August 22nd and ..... My Head Just Stopped Spinning. HOLY SMACK - I was not ready for Any of this. The inner-city heterogeneous population I get..the surging hormones of 11/12/13 year-olds I get..the smallest room in the building with pubescents literally sitting within inches of each other I get (and I'm really okay with this at the moment - if the room were any larger I'm afraid I would actually be overwhelmed by covering the wall space to please some faction or another)...the curriculum framework I get. Ready? WHAT I CANNOT BELIEVE is the fact that I have to put together 90 minutes of lessons, everyday, for the next 190-plus days with absolutely no roadmap except my textbooks (one reading, one writing), the internet (way too much information at the moment) and my own creativity. I'm feeling like this sucks. But I want this to work. God Bless my husband - but for him, I would be hiding under my tomato garden. I'm going to make every effort to blog at least weekly - more if the moment strikes me to purge, share or procrastinate. ALL AND ANY LESSON PLANS WILL BE GLADLY STOLEN WITH PROPER CREDIT GIVEN. Keep me in your prayers. A

“I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I'd just been myself.” Brittany Renée

I did it...Part II

Persistence really does pay off - and a lot of self-help via google and the internet. I have learned how to insert a link into this blog (see previous post - Kal's a constant source of inspiration - Go See Her Blog, You'll See.) Yay for me.

I've also learned that I've got my own classroom - Room 227 - on the second floor with the majority of the English faculty which means if I need resuscitation during our twenty minute lunch period they will all be free to breathe with me. This is a good thing B.E.C.A.U.S.E. I have also been given my class assignments - two tenth grade level ones, one twelfth grade level one and two twelfth grade level twos, one being an inclusion class. My understanding is I may have an aide for my inclusion class and an extra prep period every other day..for reflection?? I'm ready - let's bring it on.

I did it...

My " 'I am grateful for' list, times 46" is done. And I promise to post it as soon as I can sit down long enough to type it. In the meantime, I wrote these three things about me at the prompting of one of my favorite artists from Canada. Her name is Kal Barteski and her gift is G.O.O.D. Thank you, Kal !!!
1. - I trust - I trust my friends, my family, to do the right thing - to understand - to be there.
2. - I live - outloud - I can laugh myself to tears when life is funny and cry when it hurts.. I have a flaming red temper, when necessary and, unfortunately, occasionally, when it isn't necessary - my home is filled with the color green - bright and bold and in abundance - No Pastels.
3. - I share - my thoughts and ideas and photos and stories and opinions - I share my heart, my time..there's always room at my dinner table.
If you are here, try this. It feels Awesome.

July 5...

is, has always and forever will be my birthday. As I was so lucky to spend the entire day and night in New York City with one of my best-est girlfriends, I've decided to think about all that I am grateful for, times 46.. Pics and post coming soon. Here's to being Happy.