Ok...

so I'm feeling totally conflicted. As I sit here typing this, I am relaxed - knowing that I am prepared for tomorrow - the rest of the week actually, but not for the reasons you'd think. The curriculum coordinator was asked by our superintendent to meet with me one hour a week for four weeks to lesson plan. A decision I sought - though not as vigorously as I could have for fear of appearing incapable - and one that I relish. Somehow this has now morphed in to this incredibly intelligent, long-standing educator teaching my classes - all day, everyday, apparently for the next three weeks. Here's the conflict: I want this - I need this - not having progressed through the traditional student-teacher model of educator preparedness and all, BUT, I do not believe this individual likes kids - in fact, I've observed his downright loathing of them. After speaking with several of my colleagues, I have learned that he left the classroom, twice, over the past two years. The reasons were unabashedly offered and, quite frankly, hold no interest for me, but as I sat in my mentee position the pain in my head increased exponentially throughout the afternoon. This educator operates from a position of fear and intimidation - I can't help but personalize some of the comments - yes, comments - many of them, all day - as insidious underminings (let's just live with this word for now) of what I have been doing for the past four months. Getting past the ego bit, however, the bottom line is I cannot, no - will not, speak to my students - my 7th graders - in what seems to be the pervasive tone of this school, exclusive of my superintendent and principal - militant barking. I certainly have no intention of embracing their attention via explosive outbursts. If this is what these students need, what shot do I have? I can only imagine the Monday I will be left to deal with after my esteemed colleague moves on to his next project. What happened to effectiveness on low volume?